Why your son needs a tribe, not just a school.

Because a school teaches him facts, but a tribe teaches him how to live.

We often say it takes a village to raise a child. But when it comes to raising boys, it takes something even more specific. It takes a tribe. A circle of men, mentors, coaches, and role models who can show him what real strength looks like. What character looks like. What being a good man actually means.

In today’s world, too many boys are going it alone.

They might be physically surrounded, classrooms full of kids, social media full of “connections”, but emotionally, mentally, and morally, they’re missing something. Boys today are more isolated, more confused, and more vulnerable to negative influences than ever before. And while schools play an important role, they can’t do it all.

Because a school can teach a boy how to solve equations. But it won’t teach him how to be a man. That’s what a tribe is for.

Boys need men they can look up to, literally and figuratively

The research backs it up. According to the American Psychological Association, boys who have strong male role models in their lives are more likely to be resilient, socially responsible, and mentally healthy. They’re also less likely to fall into risky or destructive behaviour patterns.

Child psychologist Michael Gurian puts it plainly:

“Boys will seek affirmation wherever they can find it. If we don’t offer it in healthy ways, they’ll find it in unhealthy ones.”

Whether it's a father, uncle, coach, youth leader, or teacher, boys need someone to model healthy masculinity. Not just talk about it.

Schools focus on achievement. Tribes focus on becoming.

Schools are built around performance - marks, exams, certificates. But a tribe does something schools can't. It focuses on becoming. A tribe says, “Here’s how we show up. Here’s what we stand for. And here’s how we hold each other accountable.”

Boys thrive in environments where the expectations are clear, consistent, and lived out by the people around them.

A 2017 report by the Australian Institute of Family Studies found that boys engaged in structured extracurricular activities displayed fewer behavioural issues and higher levels of confidence. When boys feel like they’re part of something bigger than themselves, they rise to meet the standard.

The most dangerous thing a boy can be today is alone

Social media might make boys feel connected, but behind the screen, many are facing deep isolation. They’re trying to figure out what it means to be a man while being bombarded by conflicting messages. Be soft. Be strong. Speak up. Stay quiet. Show emotion. Suppress emotion.

Dr. Warren Farrell, co-author of The Boy Crisis, says it best:

“The most dangerous thing a boy can be today is alone.”

That’s why tribes matter. They fill the gap that social media and schools can’t.

How to build your son’s tribe

If your son doesn’t have a tribe, it’s time to build one.

Sign him up for something that stretches him - martial arts, team sports, cadets, a leadership program.

Introduce him to strong, grounded men who live the values you want him to develop.

Invite mentors into his world, coaches, older cousins, mates you trust.

Be part of his journey, but don’t walk it for him.

Because our sons don’t just need classrooms and curriculums. They need brotherhood, mateship, challenge, and meaning.

And that starts with us.